I've noticed how we often confuse agreement with connection. They aren't the same thing. I see it in families, workplaces, religious communities, political groups, social media, friendship circles. Every group has spoken and unspoken rules about what can be said comfortably and what creates tension. Over time, people learn which opinions are welcome and which ones quietly threaten belonging. The pressure is usually subtle. No one has to say "agree with us." But people quickly learn what parts...

Last week I completed the Level-One of Internal Family Systems (IFS) training, a type of therapy I've become increasingly interested in and find myself using more and more with clients. One of the central ideas of IFS is that we all have access to what is called Self-energy, sometimes described as our "inner knower" or "higher/wiser self." When we are connected to Self-energy, we tend to experience qualities like calm, curiosity, compassion, clarity, confidence, courage, creativity,...

I watch an episode of Seinfeld almost every night before bed. This is a routine that goes all the way back to when I was teenager and there were re-runs every night at 11pm. Something I have been thinking about more recently is why I have always had a particular affection for Elaine Benes. It wasn't just that she was funny. She was funny not in the "female sitcom character" funny way, where the humor comes from being ditzy or lovable in a gendered way. Elaine was genuinely funny. She carried...