It's not personal. It's predictable.

Most of the world runs on autopilot. And when you really start to watch what's happening around you - whether it's at work, in relationships, or just out in the world - you begin to notice how predictable a lot of people's behavior actually is.

I have found myself telling clients to approach certain environments like they're watching animals at a zoo. Not in a dehumanizing way, but as a way to step back. To watch what's happening behind the glass instead of being right in the middle of it. Because when something feels charged, it's easy to assume "this must be about me." But a lot of the time it isn't. A lot of the time, it's just people behaving in very predictable ways.

Any environment where there's pressure, history, unspoken dynamics, people tend to run the same scripts over and over again. And when you really start to watch and observe people - whether in the workplace, family, a friend group, or just out in the world - you begin to notice how much of their behavior is on autopilot. The same reactions. The same ways of relating. The same patterns playing out again and again. It's just how people have learned to operate in that system. And if you stay with it long enough, you might even start to notice your own patterns too.

Once you start to see this, a couple of things happen. First, whatever feels personal becomes less personal. You realize that what feels directed at you usually isn't actually about you. And second, it becomes more predictable. You begin to recognize "oh, this is what happens." And that gives you something you didn't have before: Choice.

You don't need to change the environment,. You don't need to fix the people in it. You can just see more clearly. And from there, you get to decide: "How do I want to show up here?" Sometimes, that means staying behind the glass. And sometimes it means throwing the lion a steak and calmly walking the other way.