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Last week I completed the Level-One of Internal Family Systems (IFS) training, a type of therapy I've become increasingly interested in and find myself using more and more with clients. One of the central ideas of IFS is that we all have access to what is called Self-energy, sometimes described as our "inner knower" or "higher/wiser self." When we are connected to Self-energy, we tend to experience qualities like calm, curiosity, compassion, clarity, confidence, courage, crea

I watch an episode of Seinfeld almost every night before bed. This is a routine that goes all the way back to when I was teenager and there were re-runs every night at 11pm. Something I have been thinking about more recently is why I have always had a particular affection for Elaine Benes. It wasn't just that she was funny. She was funny not in the "female sitcom character" funny way, where the humor comes from being ditzy or lovable in a gendered way. Elaine was genuinely fu

It is interesting to me that we talk so much about the external milestones associated with adulthood - careers, financial success, marriage, children, independence - without talking much at all about what it takes psychologically to become an adult. Because I think many of us age into adulthood while remaining psychologically dependent on external validation, rescue fantasies, authority figures, relationships to organize the self, or avoidance of uncertainty. And I don't say

Early in my career as a therapist, I remember using "feelings wheels" with clients and sometimes even with myself. You've maybe seen them before - giant colorful circles filled with increasingly specific emotions branching outward in every direction. And while I think there can absolutely be value in learning how to identify and name emotions, I also remember sometimes feeling overwhelmed by them. Emotions can be layered, contradictory, difficult to access in real time, or

Most of the world runs on autopilot. And when you really start to watch what's happening around you - whether it's at work, in relationships, or just out in the world - you begin to notice how predictable a lot of people's behavior actually is. I have found myself telling clients to approach certain environments like they're watching animals at a zoo. Not in a dehumanizing way, but as a way to step back. To watch what's happening behind the glass instead of being right in th

A lot of people come in to therapy for what can feel like a vague reason. Maybe they say it's a relationship issue. Or work. Or just feeling kind off or anxious. They've done what they were supposed to do. They've checked the boxes. And then at some point, there's this quiet question: Is this all there is? Sometimes it shows up like a crisis. People call it a mid-life crisis or a growing awareness of mortality. But a lot of the time, it is not really a crisis. It's more of