what drains you and what energizes you?

Early in my career as a therapist, I remember using "feelings wheels" with clients and sometimes even with myself. You've maybe seen them before - giant colorful circles filled with increasingly specific emotions branching outward in every direction.

And while I think there can absolutely be value in learning how to identify and name emotions, I also remember sometimes feeling overwhelmed by them. Emotions can be layered, contradictory, difficult to access in real time, or hard to put in to words altogether. I have started to think that a more useful place to begin is with a simpler question: does this drain me or energize me?

There's a difference between being tired and feeling like your life force is being drained.

Some things tire us physically but still leave us feeling more alive, connected, grounded, or meaningful afterward. A long conversation that leaves you feeling connected. Certain kinds of movement. Building something that matters to you. Difficult and tiring things can create a kind of vitality.

And then there are things that may not seem dramatic on the surface, but consistently leave you feeling depleted. Certain environments or certain dynamics. Constant performance or self-monitoring. Relationships where you have to over-function or disconnect from yourself to stay connected to other people. I think many people have become so accustomed to living in a a chronic state of depletion that they stop noticing it altogether. We often organize our lives around obligation, fear, external expectations, or who we think we are supposed to be, without ever asking a very simple question: What actually helps me feel more alive?

Not every task in life will energize us. Some things are neutral. Some things are necessary. But I think it is worth paying attention to the overall energetic effect something has on your system over time. Does it leave you with a greater sense of vitality, meaning, connection, or aliveness? Or does it slowly drain your life force away? Some things may feel difficult in the moment, but ultimately feed you. Other things may offer temporary stimulation or energy, but ultimately leave you feeling depleted. It can be worthwhile to pay attention to the net impact different situations, people, habits, or environments have on your sense of aliveness, and to ask yourself the question: Does this ultimately drain or enliven me?